Contentment...

Yesterday started like most of our other Sundays where we venture into the downtown area.  Got most everything ready early.  Robin cooking.  Attended our early church service.  Just mostly routine stuff.  It was a beautiful fall day, much unlike last month where we left our house and it was raining.  Even though it is so cool to see God stop the rains for us to do His work, I'd maybe rather start out with blue skies and sunshine.  Or maybe not, I don't know.  It really is cool to see the looks on our friend's faces when we show up and it's been raining, only to stop when we arrive.  But yesterday we were greeted with a definite chamber of commerce day and most everyone seemed to be in very good spirits. 

As I sat in church yesterday morning, prior to heading downtown, I was struck by the message delivered.  It was a message about contentment and true happiness and all the crazy things we do and measures we take to attempt to attain those things.  Robin and I had a bit of an ongoing conversation this past week, pretty intense at times, about contentment and just exactly where we are in this whole journey.  It just seems like life is coming at us 100 miles an hour most of the time and I wonder, as does she, if we don't need to step back and regroup.  Maybe revisit some of our activities and see if we aren't a little too involved in some things.  With our kids at their present ages and demanding more time, and just some of the life situations we are going through, I can't help but think it might be easier if we just stopped doing some of these things.  Maybe we'd be "happier".  I wonder what it would look like if we didn't have any outside commitments.  What would it look like if our Monday nights were free?  That last Sunday of each month that we go downtown and hang out with our friends for a few hours?   What if that didn't exist.  Between home schooling our kids, work, extra curricular activities and just life in general, it might be a little less hectic.  But then again, it might also be a little more selfish.  You see, even though it gets mentally exhausting at times, it's just something we need to do.  Have to do.  Something we're commanded to do.  To go.  To do.  To serve.  Not people.  Him.  To serve Him.  Because we have so much.  So much to be thankful for.  So much to be grateful for.  And I'm not talking material stuff.  I'm talking eternal stuff.  God stuff.  So as I sat in church yesterday to hear a message seemingly designed just for me, even though there were obviously others present, it sure seemed as though I could have been sitting in the very center of that auditorium, alone, and that message was being delivered directly to me.  Eye to eye.  From His mouth to my ear.  Be content.  GO.  Serve.  Love.  That will at least get you started if you are looking for true peace.  And don't get me wrong.  Even though it seems like we are pretty busy at times, I know of others who are far more engaged.  Friends who have sold it all to move and serve in foreign countries.  Friends who spend all their days serving others.  Pastors, missionaries, people who dedicate their entire existence to serving.  We're not quite there by any stretch.  It just seems like there are times when it would be nice to just stop the world and get off for a bit.  But then I wouldn't have the privilege of experiencing the following...

There's a fellow we've known since our very first time downtown.  A true, homeless, walk the streets, live wherever kind of guy.  My heart just breaks for him when I see him.  Truly.  He literally once told me he was living in "the third drainage pipe down by the river".  Really?  "Living" in the third drainage pipe?  So anyway, I know this guy struggles to survive.  Mentally, he struggles.  I don't know how else to say it.  But the fact that he's out on his own is a tragedy.  There's no reason I can think of that this fellow should be on his own, walking the streets.  No reason.  Other than the fact that we just don't take care of our own sometimes.  He has family in town.  But he's on his own.  So for the past couple of months, he's needed new shoes.  Size 13.  Tough size to come by.  And this dude is hard on shoes.  It doesn't matter how good I think the shoes or boots are, I can give him a pair and the next time I see him, they are pretty beaten up.  I'm pretty sure in the 5 years we've known him, he's probably gotten 20 pairs of shoes or boots from us.  Now lately, I've been praying that God would simply deliver those things to us.  I know that may sound crazy, but it's the only way we can hope to get all the things we need to continue.  So I've been trying different to get him shoes for the past couple of months.  I got him a pair of donated sneakers about 2 months ago.  They seemed to be pretty good.  But when we saw him last month, they were already suffering the consequences of his walking.  And yesterday, as he was coming through the serving line, he asked me if I had shoes.  I knew I didn't, but I was determined to find something for him.  I looked down and the sneakers he was wearing had a blue shoestring tied around the outside to keep the sole on.  So I went to the van to look in the bags of boots and shoes that we'd brought with us.  I rummaged through and found a pair of 12 wide, steel-toed, army boots.  I knew he needed 13s and we'd tried to fit him in 12s before with no luck.  But these were 12 wides.  Maybe they'd work.  By the time I got the boots, Tony had disappeared.  Like he is apt to do.  And trying to find him in a crowd of a couple hundred people was going to be a difficult task.  And it took me a little bit to find him.  He was off almost a block away all by himself.  Sitting down to a nice little Sunday meal by the flowing water in the park.  And ironically, over on the very corner where we first met.  Away from all the chaos that comes with us on Sundays.  So I took my 12 wides and a prayer they'd fit.  Now this might seem like a lot of words just to convey that we were able to help my man out with a pair of boots, but to me it just speaks to the need we see on Sundays.  And not only the physical needs, but the relational poverty we see also.  I'm pretty sure this fellow has no real friends.  He simply walks the streets most days.  Since I work downtown, I see him often and he's always by himself.  Walking.  Sitting on a wall somewhere.  Waiting.  For what?  So anyway, I take the boots over to him.  He's convinced they won't fit.  They're 12s Dave!  Just try them man.  And as he takes off his old shoes, the first thing I notice, as always, is the lack of socks.  He never wears socks.  I give him socks, but they just don't last.  And I'm pretty sure it's been a while since my man has seen the inside of a shower.  So I notice that he has newspapers as insoles.  Folded up, worn out, newspapers.  So he tries them on and we have a match.  His big, old size 13 feet somehow fit into these size 12 wide boots!  And these are heavy duty army boots.  I'm thinking we may have him set up for winter.  We'll see.  That's a long way off.  But God, as He's so apt to do, once again is the God of provision. 

Saw another fellow that we haven't see for quite some time.  Another true, grizzled, street veteran.  He's not looking so good these days.  Hard drinkin'.  Hard livin'.  Lives under a foot bridge close to the river.  He told me he had a birthday recently.  Turned 55.  And he said when he turned 55, his health just went straight downhill.  I told him I don't think turning 55 had as much to do with it as maybe other things.  He's a guy who I'm pretty sure will drink himself to death.  Literally.  We've seen it a few times.  And every time, I wonder why.  Until I'm reminded of the broken, screwed up world in which we live.  And then I tell myself to pray for my man.  Pray hard.  I can't do much, but I know Who can.  And it's in these situations that I must rely on Him for the answers.  Really and obviously, in all situations, I have to do that.  But in these ones, where it just seems hopeless, I know that He is the only way this guy can ever find real happiness.  It won't come from seeing the bottom of a bottle.  It won't come from any of those things we seem to think will make the pain go away.  This dude has lived a tough life.  A good majority under bridges or wherever else he lays down at night.  But even in what seems like a hopeless situation, I know that there is hope.  And let me tell you, if you saw this fellow, you'd be hard pressed to think there was hope.  But I know there is.  And if not, then I know for a fact we've shared with him that there's only one way out of this place that makes any sense.  Whether or not he takes heed?  I can only pray....

And just as we were packing up the trailer and finishing things up yesterday, the enemy had to make known his presence.  And I never forget where we are when we show up on these Sundays.  It's his playground.  But for that window of time on a Sunday afternoon, God is running things.  But as we were getting ready to leave, a bit of a disturbance broke out.  Mostly words.  But things were getting a little heated.  It was funny because these were a couple of fellows that had enough height to literally talk right over me.  Now that's not saying much, but it's what it was.  So as they were arguing for a second time over something that was really silly in my eyes, I kind of had to get in the middle.  And I really couldn't get either one of them to notice me.  :)  Which is ok most times.  I'd honestly rather not be noticed.  But in this case, I just wanted to get them to knock it off.  So as they were yelling at each other and tensions were heating up, I had to begin to get up to their volume levels.  There were only a handful of people around at that point so it wasn't really a huge scene.  But we'd had a great day down there and I wasn't about to let the enemy step in and mess things up.  Not as long as we were still there.  So I finally had to tell them both to "SHUT UP"!  Loudly.  Now I'm a pretty small guy, but God blessed me with some vocal chords.  And I used 'em to let these fellows know that there'd be none of that here.  Not today.  Not now.  So I was able to get one of these guys to head out.  He's a regular.  He apologized as he was walking away.  And the other fellow, I'd guess in his early 20s, was calming down.  As soon as I was able to get his attention, his whole demeanor changed.  It was like something washed over him and he was a totally different person.  He also apologized and soon he was "saluting you guys" and I had to tell him that it wasn't us he should be saluting, but the Man upstairs.  And he said he couldn't believe the ungrateful people and all the other stuff he'd seen there.  He said he'd been in town for about a week and a half and he'd heard about us.  Now I don't know what that meant, but one thing I wanted him to be sure of was that he needed to know that it wasn't about us.  It was about being able to serve a God who loves us no matter what.  And I told him that it didn't matter if every person down there on that day walked away with nothing, but if one person heard God in some way, that was all that mattered.  Now obviously, we want everyone to walk away with Him leading their paths.  But I'd do it all if just one person left with a newfound hope.  In God.  In Christ. 

I just pray that somehow, someday, we'll make a difference in the hearts of those we serve.  That He will work through us to reach those that are seemingly so lost and desperate for happiness and contentment.  And that He will continually work in the lives of those in my immediate sphere of influence.  To be able to share that no matter where we think we are at any given time on this journey, that we always serve a God that will indeed grant us true happiness and joy if we just keep things in perspective and continually seek and strive to serve Him with all that we have.  It's a process and indeed a journey...

I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances.  I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ~Philippians 4:11-12(NIV)

Make a difference…it matters.