Kind of lost it today…

So today was pretty normal by most standards. At least in this world we venture into on Sundays. Kind of hot and muggy, sticky, but always a little cool under the trees in the park. And it sprinkled a little on us. God does indeed have a sense of humor, because Robin and I are always telling everyone who will listen that it absolutely never rains on us from noon to about 1:30 on Sundays. It can be raining so hard sometimes that we’d better be lining ‘em up two by two, but come noon? The rains always stop. So today, just as Robin was sharing this with someone, it starts to sprinkle ever so lightly. And then it stopped. Just a bit of God’s humor.

One of the things we’ve always tried to help with downtown is shoes for our friends. It is pretty painful to see a guy show up it tattered old shoes knowing we could maybe help. So it never fails that every week I’m asked for a pair of sneakers or work boots, or in today’s case, a pair of shower shoes even. The fellow asking for them was Sabino. Didn’t speak very good English. Didn’t know what they were even called. And he was trying to tell me what he needed and I wasn’t picking it up so quickly. I mean he really doesn’t speak very good English at all. And then Margie spoke with him. Margie is fluent in Spanish. She told me she’d get him a pair of shower shoes next week. All about the hookup. Another fellow asked for a pair of sneakers last week. Jeff has or had some kind of cancer in the area between his chin and his lower lip. He’s had surgery a few times I believe and it’s healing slowly, but pretty well, however it’s hard for him to control his saliva. Just one of the things he has to deal with, along with being homeless. He always carries a towel to keep it dry, but there is literally a hole in the area between his chin and his lower lip. And his towel usually isn’t so clean. So today we show up with his sneakers, along with about 6 other pairs for folks who had asked last week. So as the day wore on, there was no sign of Jeff. A few minutes after 2:00, I start thinking about packing up and still no sign of Jeff. Another fellow shows up and he asks me if I can help him with a pair of shoes. He is obviously in need. As it happens, he needs the same size I’d gotten for Jeff. Since Jeff didn’t show up, I make the command decision to give Jeff’s shoes to Carl. I don’t know Carl very well, but he clearly needed new shoes. So as I give him the shoes, he asks me to pray "to" him. Huh? It just sounded a little weird. He just wanted a bit of prayer right here and now. About this time, our friend Menelik shows up and kind of inserts himself into the conversation. Menelik sees me giving Carl the shoes and immediately tells me of his need for shoes also. Says what he needs is…and Carl interrupts him and says what he needs is for us to take each others hands because we are getting ready to pray. Now. Carl tells me what we need to pray for, and as he finishes telling me of his needs, I tell him to just say what he just said in a prayer. I’d be more than happy to say it for you, but you just said it pretty good my man. And then Menelik takes charge. As he’s pretty much crushing my hand, we pray…right in the street. The three of us. The African dude, me and Carl. As we finish, Carl tells me we need to do a one on one sometime. You got it Carl. You tell me when…

So as Carl is walking away with Jeff’s shoes, at around 2:15, guess who walks up. You got it…Jeff is here for his shoes. What I tried to explain to Jeff is this - I’m not going home with shoes. If you ask and then you don’t show up, someone else will get ‘em. That’s the way we’ve always done it. Right or wrong, that’s the way. Because if you show up a couple of hours late, there’s no guarantee there’ll be any food, and I have a hard time taking things home with me when the need is so great on that corner. It’s just difficult. So I gave Jeff’s shoes away to Carl. Now Jeff didn’t know who got his shoes, only that they weren’t on his feet. And he needed some. And to say he was angry would be an understatement. And it was apparent that he’d been maybe drinking. Like I said it was about a quarter after two at this point, so we were pretty much wrapping things up. It was particularly stressful for me at that point, because I had a guy who needed a few bucks to make up the difference to get a bus ticket to Sioux City. I had another guy who needed help getting to Fremont Nebraska, but was really trying to get to his sister’s house in Gillette Wyoming. And another fellow needed local bus tickets to get to a job interview on Monday. And yet another guy needed a little legal advice. And it didn’t matter how much I told him I wasn’t an attorney, he kept asking my advice. So I was feeling a little pulled. And then Jeff shows up asking for his shoes, which at this point were walking down Douglas St. on Carl’s feet. So in the middle of all this, I get the universal sign of appreciation from Jeff telling me I was number one! Yeah, here we are trying to help some folks out and Jeff is giving me the "tramp salute", as our friend John calls it. And then he drops a few ‘F’ bombs on me and at this point I’m getting just a little angry at my friend Jeff. And then he yells at Robin asking if he can at least get a plate of food. And then I lost it a little and told him he was p_ _ _ ing me off. Now I’ve never lost it with any of our friends before. There are certainly personalities in that community that don’t mesh well with mine but you get that anywhere. But today, I was just a little more than upset with Jeff and I kind of blew my cool. I don’t think he was expecting it, and I certainly wasn’t. And then when he asked for a plate of food, I kind of lost it. Ironically, as Robin so graciously pointed out to me later, this whole event transpired immediately after Carl, Menelik and myself were praying in the street. So there must have been someone else at work here. Obviously. So I told Jeff we had no more food and I was getting increasingly agitated with him. And then I remembered that there was indeed food in the front seat of the van. A whole pan that wasn’t served. I must admit I was shaking a bit as I took the pan to the back of the trailer to get a plate of food for Jeff. As I brought the plate of food to Jeff, I apologized to Jeff for losing it and he did the same. It was over. That’s how it works. Ask for forgiveness…and then forget it. Next week will be better Jeff. But you better be there at noon. I suppose even if he isn’t I’ll probably hold on to his shoes for him. In the meantime, one of our friends is bound for Sioux City, another for Gillette next week and Jeff will get his shoes. All by the grace of God. Certainly has nothing to do with us. We just show up and the rest belongs to Him.

And my friend ERG is one brilliant individual. And I love him.

Peace and have a great and blessed week.

Go out and make a difference.

…it matters to that one… :)